The Last Known Whereabouts of Fancy Chinchilla

The Bozeangeles Variable
BOZEANGELES * SATURDAY, DECEMBER 22, 2007* $1.00

The Last Known Whereabouts of Fancy Chinchilla

Butte—“Just when we thought that the universe couldn’t get any stranger, bam! Something big hits you in the face… your whole concept of reality is really turned upside down with something like this” said Foster Rothburg after hearing of the recent Chinchilla sightings in Butte. “I mean, growing up I had always heard of Fancy Chinchilla but thought the stories were, you know, just urban legends.” Indeed, even we at The Bozeangeles Variable had previously published articles disputing the Chinchilla legend. “I just hope that when the rest of the country catches wind of this that people don’t, you know, ‘freak out,’ ”

“I just hope that when the rest of the country catches wind of this the people don’t, you know, ‘freak out,’ ” Said Rothburg referring to the recent purported sightings of Fancy Chinchilla

said Rothburg again referring to the Chinchilla sightings. The sightings were first reported by amateur photographer Ralph Macallan who snapped his now world-famous photo (right) which he claims to be the grief-stricken image of Miss Chinchilla with boyfriend Joey Lipinski attending Evel Knievel’s funeral weeks ago.

Macallan says that shortly after the photo was taken he heard rumors that Butte residents had purportedly seen Miss Chinchilla with boyfriend Lipinski boarding an airplane bound for Miami and later the South Pacific. Despite Macallan’s instance on his photograph’s authenticity, his snapshot is currently competing with another Chinchilla photograph (left).

This second photo was taken by freelance photographer Zed Cooper. For the past five years Zed has worked as a freelance reporter investigating the deadly “Art in the Park” poaching ring. For years “Art in the Park” has been selling the entrails of trees, the skins of bovine and the pelts of Chinchillas under the guise of “arts and crafts” to unsuspecting patrons. During Cooper’s latest sojourn into “Art in the Park” territory, he went undercover as a potential buyer. “That’s when I saw Fancy, and took the photo with my hidden Big-Gulp Cam,” Cooper said as he described how he infiltrated the poaching ring and secretly snapped the photo. Copper believes that “Art in the Park” is holding Miss Chinchilla prisoner and possibly for ransom. “Fancy Chinchilla is a known advocate for Chinchilla Rights Campaign, so of course they’d want to finish her off and get a few bucks out of supporters in the meantime,” said Cooper, “They’re an ugly crowd those Art Parkers.” These Chinchilla sightings present us with only two possibilities: Either Fancy has run off to the isle of Vanuatu with boyfriend Lipinski—or Fancy has been made into a sweater. Frankly, here at The Bozeangeles Variable we find either possibility equally disturbing.